Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Talk to me

The Girls Trip/Mini Vacay was a huge success. Sun, check. HUGE pool, check. Mini Golf, check. The girls had a blast. I'm sorting through lots o' pictures. 232 to be exact. I'll get to posting some eventually ;)

I feel like I have so much to say. Like if y'all were my girlfriends IRL, and we met up, I'd be yappin' at about a million miles an hour just to try to catch y'all up. I guess some of that will have to wait too.


I'm looking for a little insight, so maybe some of you can help me out here. Let me preface by saying that I do realize that everyone is different {Praise the Lord!}, and we all have our preferences. I'm not looking for a debate, just insight. Okay.

We got an invitation to a wedding. When I say "we", I actually mean my mom and I. A friend from my pageant days is getting married, and we couldn't be more happy for her. The wedding will be held in Medford, a good 5 hour drive away. And on the invitation:

This is an adult affair.

It's not like I've never seen these words on a wedding invitation before. Many many of the invitations we've received over the years exclude children. So I guess it didn't even come as a surprise, but here is where I need the insight. Why do you suppose that people choose not to include children? Perhaps they don't have nieces or nephews or young cousins? Or they do, but it's a bother to involve them? I get the reception thing. It costs more money if you're having to feed a lot of young guests. Okay fine. But it seems strange to me that children aren't welcome at such a joyous event as a wedding. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. I guess this is just a bit of a touchy subject for me because when Kenners was a baby I was asked to be in my good friend's wedding {another friend from pageant days. Go figure.}. But the wedding was half way across the country, and my girls weren't invited. I would have had to leave them for 4 days {rehearsal dinner and other such events plus travel time}, and I just couldn't do that. Besides the fact that Makenna was still nursing at the time, I wasn't about to leave them for that long. Anyway. I chose not to attend {GASP! I know, I know}, and we haven't spoken since. It makes me sad to think of it even now.

Wow, that was definitely a ramble. Thanks so much for listening to the rants of a crazy lady ;) And I suppose I should conclude by saying that in the end, it doesn't matter what I think. It is her day, her choice. I understand that. I'm just curious :)

And that's all for now. We're having a fish fry {or fish buffet as Sierra is calling it} this evening, and I need to get to gettin' on the fresh baked bread. Mmmmmm.

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Grace Wheeler said...

We've gotten invites like that too and usually end up not attending also. More times than not, I find that it's usually more about children being viewed as "nuisance" than anything else. They don't eat much, they usually sit on laps...but I think that many people rather they be "seen and not heard" but don't want to risk them "disturbing the peace".

That's always sad to me, but I have to remind myself that these people are just getting married and don't know the blessing of children...yet! When they have 'em, they'll understand that the real party is the one with kiddos :) They are GREAT dancers after all :)

Foursons said...

I don't have any answer for you other than maybe they think the kids will be to much of a distraction.

How is the house coming along?

Tom, Lynette, and family said...

My husband and I were married pretty young, at 19. Being underage, and having many underage guests, we didn't have any alcohol. Sometimes, I think, that's part of the decision behind the "adult affair." The weddings I've attended that were billed that way, definitely were a little more free with the drinks. Consequently not everyone behaved in a manner that was kid friendly. It's a hard decision to make, whether to attend or not. I will add though that the one wedding I went to that they INSISTED I bring my kids because "Everything is more joyful with children!" is the one where the bride got mad and snapped at my three year old for telling her (apparently too many times) that she was a "Beautiful Princess."

He & Me + 3 said...

I have mixed feelings on that too. We had kids at ours..but it is just preference.
Did I just read fresh baked bread? On my way. YUm is right.

shortmama said...

Ive never been to a wedding that kids werent allowed to go to, so I have no insight! Im with you on understanding the reception maybe as far as paying for more guests with the kiddos or the adults being a little wild with the alcohol consumption. But not sure why kids couldnt go to the actual ceremony

Jenny said...

I think it's sad to not invite children to weddings. It seems selfish too, like the bride or groom doesn't want any attention taken from them. Who cares? They need to get over themselves!

Anyway, I think you did the right thing by not going years ago. You are a Mom first and if that girl couldn't understand that, then maybe she will when she has kids someday.

I think the best part of weddings and receptions is the children. They crack me up and I love to see them having fun and dancing all night!

As far as the recent invitation, 5 hours is pretty far away. With a wedding and reception, you'd probably need to spend the night. Is this person worth a hotel expense? LOL!

Kelli said...

OK...first, fish fry....YUM!!! Whew, glad I got that off my chest. About the kids, maybe it's later and they don't want to worry about kids being up late or people not coming because kids will be too tired??? A lot of times too when people don't have kids they don't realize how hard that can be to ask for no kids allowed.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Glad you had a fun mini-vacay!

I don't know what to say about the no kids at a wedding...we had some at ours, and they were not a bother. But, if I could do it over again...three are several adults I would un-invite!!!!

Colleen said...

I think it's a bit rude to state that kids aren't invited. I think if it's an evening wedding, most adults with kids would try to leave the kids at home with a babysitter and make it a date night. That's what we do. I don't think it has to be stated. If it's a day wedding, we would definitely bring the kids!

We had an evening wedding, and the only kids there were the ones actually in the wedding. We never told people not to bring children, they just wanted a date night! The ones who did have the kids ended up leaving early to put theirs to bed, so that was kind of a bummer for them.

mindy2780 said...

I was one of those brides that didn't want children at my wedding. In the end my niece and nephew were invited, after long conversations with my husband. Now looking back I understand why others were upset by it, and luckily the weddings we have been invited to allow kids to come since I have brought nursing babies to the last few weddings. I guess at the time, since I was younger and had little experience with kids I just wanted to have an adults only party. I can understand why others want the same, but now that I have three kids I can understand the flip side of it. I never bring my toddlers since Jon and I choose to treat it like a date night when we can, but if I have an infant (and with three kids in 4 years that is often) it is much easier to bring them!

Tara G. said...

First, I didn't have that on our invitations and there were some kids present- they were of age to sit quietly. We did pay for sitters at the church for the very young children in our immediate family. Secondly, I don't think anyone has to go far from home (say Wal Mart, for example!) to see the variety of parenting philosophies our society has, and quite frankly, I wouldn't want those children over for dinner. A wedding is a joyous event- yes. But it's also a time when a couple is [hopefully] making a solemn promise before God to one another and I think it's totally understandable to eliminate the distraction of whining, talking, or crying children when this is supposed to be THE day we've all dreamed of! We've all been places where you think, "why don't they just take.them.out?!?!?!" (Who wants to hear that on a video for the rest of their lives?) I would think that if a person were asked to be in a wedding or was extremely close to the ones getting married, a personal phone call asking about options (like a sitter at the church for a baby) would be entirely appropriate.


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