It's been a long month.
We're sort of struggling to find a new normal around here.
But with that, comes frustrations.
Like, sometimes we don't want normal.
It just doesn't feel right to settle in to any type of normal, new or not.
My biggest struggle is not being "enough".
I'm not enough to take away the pain.
I'm not enough to comfort my husband so that he may find peace.
I'm not enough to ease the fears of my children.
And I've never really felt that way before.
I'm just not big enough this time.
I'm trying to make peace with that, because I know I'm not supposed to be.
None of us are supposed to be enough.
If we were, we wouldn't cling to God.
So there ya go. That's where we are.
Whew.
So. The girls and I did manage to get out of the house last week to see the tulips.
We try to make it out to the Tulip Festival every year.
We try to make it out to the Tulip Festival every year.
It was nice.
Fresh air. Pretty flowers. Sweet mama/daughter time.
15 comments :
I can feel the sadness in your first few paragraphs. It is so hard when we can't be everything that we need to be for the people we love. Just know that God has his hand on you and he will lead you all through it! Now about those beautiful girls and flowers! I always look forward to your Tulip Festival pictures. I want to come up for a visit during this time of the year so I can see all the gorgeous tulips in bloom!
I am positive you are just who you need to be for everyone. I know how much you love your family and how much you'd do for them. I know you feel like the glue holding everybody together, but you got this! :o)
I know it's only been a month, but your girls look so much older to me in these photos! Especially Sierra and Kam! Maybe it's because Taylor has taken over the "baby" position in the family, but Kam just really seems like a BIG sister now! Everybody is growing too quickly!!!
I am so sorry Liz. I can't even imagine how difficult this has been for all of you.
Your girls are gorgeous. The Tulips Festival looks so fun!
Tulips were gorgeous! So glad you got out to enjoy. Your girls are so pretty. You are such a wonderful person and I know you are a sweet wife and mother. I'm praying for you. : )
I'm still praying for you all. I lost my Dad a month ago so I definitely know where you are coming from. It's tough but we have to just take it day by day. Hang in there!
You're so right, you're not supposed to be enough right now, but I'm sure you're more than what you're feeling like you are. If that made sense. :)
I'm glad you got out with the girls and got some much needed FRESH air.
Always thinking bout you guys and checking in for updates.
Your blog is beautiful, you are beautiful ... I am praying for your family. This post SO spoke to me today. In completely unrelated circumstances I was crying today, everything just seems "not enough" ...I don't have enough, I'm not enough, there isn't enough. But you are right: HE IS ENOUGH. Amen, sister. Amen. Bless you!
Oh, Liz...I can't even imagine the "new normal" that you feel that you have to be right now. Thank you for your honesty in your words of feeling like you are not enough. But, guess what? You don't have to be! HE IS ENOUGH. Try to cling onto the promise that God does not give you more than you can handle. It's not easy to take those words in when you're going through this difficult time of losing a loved one. There are many many people praying for your family...I'm one of them! I think of you often and pray for God's healing hand as your life goes on.
Oh, I would have loved to meet up at the tulip farm with you this year! I know over the last couple of years we always talk about it in hindsight. :) Your pictures are gorgeous! We never made it there this year, but I did see they have extended it to May 6th, so who knows. Maybe we'll make our way out there in the next couple of days.
Many hugs to you, my friend!!
i get this. it's hard to admit that mama/wife is not enough. but, God totally rocks and will carry you all through every step of the way.
God bless y'all.
Such great pictures.
And you're right, we're not designed to be enough. Jesus is greater than...and so we are supposed to rely on that.
How beautiful - I love the colors and these are all just amazing shots! I'm not sure what you went through but it sounds like it was hard & painful.
We just went though a bad loss here in our family - and it is a day by day recovery process. God Bless. Your children are beautiful.
My heart aches for all of you. Normal? Who knew that normal was such a good feeling.
Love the photos...love seeing the girls smiling.
Love to you all.
xoxo
What beautiful, vibrant pictures. Your words are so sweet. Sending you super strong virtual hugs.
I too don't know what it is that is causing you such intense pain since I just found your Blog, but you are right, He is enough. We never are in any situation. I lost my father, 4 babies, the relationship I had with my mother because my nephew molested my daughter. I was raped, abused, cheated on, bankrupt and divorced by age 22. My husband of almost 12 yrs. left me to go to basic military training and technical school for almost half a year while I was pregnant with 4 girls and one on the way. I had no church and no friends or family. I wasn't enough any of those times, for my kids or for me, but God knew that. We are blessed to have Him. I'll pray for your pain to ease and for God to provide peace and gently keep whispering in your ear that He is enough... always. *hugs*
Kristy
http://happyhomemakingwithkristy.blogspot.com/
*correction* I wasn't "pregnant with 4 girls." Phew, that would have been even scarier. lol I had 4 girls and was pregnant with one on the way. K.. that's better :D
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