I haven't been myself lately. I'm not really sure who I've been, but I'm definitely not feeling myself. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Maybe it's because we spent a whole month gearing up for Christmas, and now it's over, and I'm trying to find normal again. Maybe it's because I'm trying to make sense of things that aren't making sense to me.
Today I'm going to a service. A celebration of life. I don't want to go, but I do. Do you know what I mean? I want to celebrate this life, but I'm afraid I'm going to break down. No, I know I will break down. Stephanie was a friend from high school. Sadly, we lost touch shortly after. But I remember so vividly how much fun we'd all have together. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few short months ago. Truly, three months ago she was going through life without a care, and last Sunday she lost her battle and left this world. She was twenty-nine years old. I'm trying to make sense of it, and I cannot. She left her son behind. Not much older than my Sierra. She left family and friends who loved her. My heart aches for them. And I'm trying to make sense of something that just doesn't make sense. And I'm not myself.